My last post was a little delayed, so I feel like I’m getting behind on publishing myself, but before I post any newer news, I must document my birthday week at least a bit. A conspiracy happened.

Well, there I was, minding my own business on a Wednesday, making my mother’s famous Seafood Enchiladas for dinner because I had no job. Derek had mentioned work might keep him out an extra hour or more, but his frantic texts were dragging the extra time out farther and farther, and I’d seen no humans other than the ones at Safeway all day (glowing as I still was from yesterday’s butterbeer fest), so I was getting impatient.

Finally I heard a crunchy sound in the alley and a key jangle, and Derek came in. I chased him around the corner from kitchen to living area to bedroom, probably yelling something about cold enchiladas or my pain and suffering - he is so patient - forgetting, all the while, that I never heard a second key jangle….

Somewhere in the back of my consciousness came a pop and a creak, but the brain is slow to accept those signs of a home invasion it perceives at 5:30pm; it was not till I heard unmistakable footsteps in the kitchen that I interrupted myself: “UM? DOOR?” Moving as I was in horrified slow-mo, by the time I’d turned around that wicked elf was already before me, all pink and freckly, asking me some smug question about whether I had a bathroom so she could “take a pee.” In all their conniving, brilliant plans, I don’t think she and Derek considered the simple fact that they could have killed me. Have you punks ever heard of cardiac arrest? I could have died.

Which brings me to the point where Elisabeth’s documentation will be more effective than mine. I could ramble about how sweet Derek was to plan so far ahead to fly her out here, out of the goodness of his wise introverted soul, and how much fun we had, and how many times she lost her glasses in our tiny hut, but she’s got a vlog of the whole visit. Way more accessible. You can watch it right over thar.

I realize anyone reading this blog is probably among the number that’s already seen her video, though. (She commands just a slightly larger online audience than I do.) What you haven’t seen is my own walkthrough of The Home, which takes a less frenzied look at our setup (in a two-months-late answer to Joe’s demands for a house tour). It’s unlisted, because Elisabeth’s Youtube channel is actually on my only Google account, and I didn’t think her viewers would appreciate it. This means you’ll only be able to find it with yonder link. Someone make sure Joe watches! By which I mean make him watch, because at this point he’ll probably be dramatic and say he doesn’t care anymore. I don’t blame him.